My Random Thought's

Am about to bust!!!! 

There’s things inside that just want to come out. So many emotions that I forced myself not to feel, but now all I want to do is SCREAM! 

I miss them so much it hurts, am trying focus on studying am starting on my grammar understanding them and then I’ll go to punctuation. 

My anxiety level is at a 6 right now, am trying not to pull at my hair…

Oh and I found some old tripp pants that I got in frashmen year of high school. 

They still fit and they make my butt look good *laugh*

I had so much fun today I got a lot of study sheets and I bought a month membership for lumosity three days wasn’t long enough for me so I wanted to give it a shot and so far its a lot of fun. ^^ 

I know I should be asleep right now but I cant seem to sleep. I have a long day of studying to do and also working out. I have a lot to make up for and I cant wait to start so maybe that’s why I cant sleep but I use to sleep a lot way more then a normal person should and Am just realizing that i must of missed out on a lot of fun because of it but sense I had a short of revelation I cant seem to stay up enough am also more able to have an open mind when am up late and I am finely living, I like this feeling. I use to take my days, years for granted. I’ve made small changes to myself in just these pass three days. I’ve learned about myself and come to accept some things about me that needed to be changed a long time ago. I wasn’t ready to be the person I wanted to be. Maybe I thought I didn’t deserve that person or I could chalk it up to being a lazy piece of shit and not wanting to put in the work to be her. But am ready now, I’m doing these changes for ME. I’ve been dead for a long time sense I was sixteen I went though the motions of life. But for the past three days I’ve never felt more alive. Its a freeing feeling. I dont want to cage myself ever again it was dark and sad and I dont ever want to go back. So am going to improve me as a person a hole revamping and my friends are whiling to help me with studying and finding books to read. I really want to work on communication skills and vocab and being more open minded. 

these past three days I’ve accepted some ugly parts of me that I plan to cut off and I started by admitting you have a problem and it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.

Am committed to these changes. I want to be a better person a better ME. I cant go back to being dead I refuse to go back. 

Its late and am finely getting sleepy I have to be up early to go to the library with meco so she can help me study and then were going to go for a walk and then maybe the movies

I wish me luck on this journey of finding myself enlightenment perhaps forgiveness understanding and change. much needed change… ^^ 

I shouldn’t be here…

I did it again…

swasticat asked: HAPPPYYY BDAAAYYY LOVVVE YOUUUUU

Lol thanks!

swasticat asked: hope your flight and everything went gooooood. <3

Am ok ^^ am here in va

mushimushikawaii asked: Yea yea let me find then

Yay! thanks sooooooo much.